A plaid sofa bed in the home, from Denmark, open the guests, usually put away. With the child, it has been open. She slept on it, it was a bag of inquiries, said the bed is very comfortable, where to buy? Why buy?
I said before the grandmother to Beijing, to buy her.
The child is very happy, is the grandmother to sleep ah, that is when?
I don't remember clearly. Really can not remember, seems to be around 2001, is a summer. The couple came to Beijing with her sister.
That summer, a person's lonely life was broken, the mother to come to this thing, so I spent a lot of time to prepare, add some chairs, tableware and two air conditioning. Also went to buy Bedding and towels and other items.
Mother came, just a little old, people are very spirit, I am very happy. My kitchen was taken over by the two brothers in law, and I was doing all kinds of food, and I had to write a long.
I seldom talk to my mother. She is the same. I have always heard outside the living room with her sister in the talk, is home.
Two elder sister couple with her mother to go to the Imperial Palace, Wangfujing may.
I didn't ask, just listen to them.
Lived for some time, I bought a sleeper ticket, three people take the train back to Chongqing.
Now recall these, I can confirm that they did not go to the train station to pick them up, they did not go to send them. So how do mothers think? They sit for a few days on the train to Beijing, the way how? Go back?
Why didn't I go to accompany my mother to take a good look at Beijing? And didn't accompany them to a restaurant for dinner? Did not give her mother to do her favorite meal.
And so on, once, I accompany her to go to the Lama Temple to burn incense, both of us sit in the house on a wooden bench said a few words, but not when it comes to each other's problems, those years plagued mother and my pain, our heart ah, like two motes kiss each other, a blink of an eye.
One time my mother came to my bedroom and used the bathroom. I asked her why she didn't have to be outside. She says it's a good use. I said two.
Mother never used my bathroom again. My mother is trying to talk to me, but my heart refused.
Every time I return to Chongqing to see her, if not live in a hotel, at home, and she must sleep a bed. My home in Beijing, why I can not and her sleep in a bed so that mothers do not have to sister and the grid sofa bed to sleep, two brother-in-law don't have to take the floor.
Many of the details, the bottom up, the memory is completely blank, some words are not all fuzzy. During that period, I must have met some problems that I can't think of. I have been struggling with grief and lack of soul. I must have lost myself in some kind of hurt or lost.
Can be sure, then I must be suffering from a not light autism, to the world and the immediate separation, and even the mother, my most pro most people in front of me, I also want to separate.
Before my mother died, I never had a chance to talk about my own pain. Seems to me to be back to Chongqing less, fewer homes the, I even didn't take care of themselves, to the last I like moths to a flame, the whole people die. After the death of the existence of the world, only to find that the mother has left me forever. I don't like childhood so looking forward to her home nor like childhood systemic heart desire her caresses and attention, even if her cold eyes, or ruthless under heart to punish me kneeling on the washboard.
My mother was bent on me to face all the scars of the past, and she said that she could go ahead and grow up.
When I grow up, I turn my face away from the pain and the scars of my parting. Let you see.