75-year-old gay "old Paris"
commentary: three sections of unforgettable love, three times for "hooliganism" in a labor camp six years witnessed China's treatment of the history of the gay community, Chen Xiaonan interview "old Paris "" life and well-being ", the old comrade's life.
2014 Nian. 11 12, Beijing late autumn, the 75-year-old "old Paris" went to Dongdan Park, is not an ordinary elderly Liu Waner workout place, here it is Beijing's most famous gay gathering places, into a Park he encountered an "old sister", the two had a long chat greetings.
Chen Xiaonan: Why is willing to go there?
Ningguo wind: how should I say, returned to her parents, sister to see his elder sister, what can you say with his family is not to say, you can not say with the unit, you and the children, the children can not say and to say that you all-around.
Chen Xiaonan: lived in Beijing Xidan an alley tenements in an old man, his name is Ningguo wind, he was in the past by selling Beijing browse the map, a living selling postcards, now by guaranteeing life, his wife did not have children no children, lived in a small house, the day very poor, but the house and people were his pack was pretty neat, the outsider looks like this is the solitary old man bit ordinary, but a small hospital, a alley, in a circle of Beijing where he is famous, even to the well known point, in this circle, a young man he was to become "Miss Paris", now old, people changed to call him the "old Paris" this circle is like a quack, but it has always been extraordinarily secretive existence, as if an underground kingdom, the old Paris says it is his life witnessed such an underground kingdom of history, this circle is Beijing's "gay community . "
Ningguo Wind: At the time I knew a Frenchman, he was the embassy's chef, at the Xidan the stadium turned out that over the past a lot of people do not, whoops, hang a foreigner ah, I say French , then you become a lady in Paris, France, and I said no, we're not married, then Miss Paris bar, so all of a sudden, they pass out.
Commentary: Ningguo wind into a "Miss Paris" in 1963, when he was 24 years old, in their prime, and Beijing is a good teacher in a middle school in this hidden "Comrade Jiang Hu", he has debut for a long time, back in the fifties, or adolescents at the time he accidentally walked into Beijing gay gathering places.
Ningguo wind: go out to play with the students, and occasionally went to this place, a large bathroom and eastern peoples market next to the last out several chasing me, whoops doing it I said, I just want to talk ah , I just want to make friends, ah, that means, I think there's great age, there are more than 30, there are over 20, and a chat with them I know ah, that is a "comrade" activity points.
Chen Xiaonan: This time you have to say so only to find a group of people.
Ning MAK: Yes, there is such a group of people, I do not feel strange, I just began to think how I is not the same with others, how will God bring me this way, it makes me a pain is not it, men do not male and female no woman, at this time I feel whoops, we have so many people do.
Commentary: prevailing wind Ningguo is a docile appearance, but inner anguish of secondary school students, he brought character quiet, only girls like to play games, the children are called "false Yazi", at age 10 he and the class squad better, two children playing at home when homework every family.
Ningguo wind: I told our squad play house, I would naturally say, he is my husband, I was his wife, but not too far, because he is too small is not it, I think holding seemed to feel very happy, very warm, my mom found out, whoops, my mother hit it, just did not give me death, that a beating Yeah, you look at me, this scar, is not it, it was broken .
old mother of Paris and photographs. Photo old mother of Paris extraordinarily young.
Chen Xiaonan: wow so hard.
Ningguo Wind: play that is.
Chen Xiaonan: get something to hit his head?
Ningguo wind: is the belt that head, then hit my mother especially explosive temper, she was scolded me saying, I remember especially well, she said, me how, I missed eight life Germany, gave birth to you so something, when I say I do not know, ah, I do not know how I do, like no other, has been playing there after high school, and I do not dare contact with the boys, I am afraid of what my mother has produced doubt hit me, especially the kind of fear, and so I put a stick so stuffy passed.
Commentary: Let the mother's beating Ningguo Wind "normal" for six years, until the age of 16, he accidentally "found the organization", when Beijing Dongdan, Xidan, the front door has a secret gay rallying point for groups, Ningguo wind began to realize that this world of many people like him.
Ningguo wind: In fact, I officially start from the age of 16 I knew I was a "comrade", because at that time it did not name, I knew since I was such a person, such a person like he is not only me, there are some people, this is the man I should have had this live, you let me marry and have children this is not possible, I should have my life, I have my happiness, my pursuit.
Commentary: In 1956, Ning MAK admitted demonstration school, began to live on campus, and finally get rid of the mother's monitor, he quickly and bunk male students began exchanges.
Ningguo wind: I do not know how such a fancy to him, and he likes to play football, but he is not the wild, after class very Wen Qi.
Chen Xiaonan: looked handsome, right?
Ningguo wind: is handsome, but also likes playing the harmonica.
Chen Xiaonan: Your first sight of his time, such as when the heart does not have a little bit scared? I feel, so yo last.
Ningguo Wind: occasionally the shadow, but it does anyway, I was out, I was liberated, I do not live in, and two years later I would dare to take him home, and one Sunday we were back to my home, we go to dinner, which my mother see in the eyes of the head, gas in the heart, but could not verbal, swore a word I say, really gifted head created by the flesh.
Commentary: In fact, in addition to the mother, the wind and the lower berth students Ningguo exceptionally better than other students also were feeling, because the students who ranked number six in the dorm, we have half-jokingly called the wind pipe Ningguo "Six Mrs. . "
Chen Xiaonan: this feeling you're left with now is what kind of moment?
Ningguo wind: he once home one day letter day letter, I gave him a letter, he wrote me a letter, I really can not do without a little bit like, saying he particular day not seeing as every Sanqiu, this sentence made me could not sleep, so, he is four years older than me, really hurt people know, the old me as a little brother, little sister did.
Chen Xiaonan: You are very attached to him.
Ningguo Wind: attachment, but also very rely on, I felt like he was my pillar.
Chen Xiaonan: You considered this is your first love.
Ning MAK: Yes, this is my first love.
This is the old Paris from small to large number of photos
Chen Xiaonan: In fact, you were a kind of Ganaiganhen high concentrations of human feelings.
Ning MAK: Yes, at that time still.
Chen Xiaonan: would have liked to say, it is you want.
Ningguo Wind: I would love to get.
Chen Xiaonan: In fact, for taking a great risk at that time.
Ningguo wind: Yeah, really sometimes I want to get special simple, love itself is wrong, and I love that you can accept or not accept, but you can not discriminate against me, is such a person, I think love itself is not sin.
Commentary: Ningguo wind good love maintained for four years, because it is the student leaders, he was responsible for managing the school's archives Patron, a result of accidental access to the file so that he has found a sweetheart hidden "bottom line."
Ningguo wind: I check what files he married, and a son, whoops I was so angry I was me, I think I cheated, I asked him how? He said hey, I'm not telling you to say, sooner or later, I want to tell you that he was at home arranged, and that feelings are not, I said no yet have children, I would not forgive him.
Chen Xiaonan: after you break up with him the pain was it?
Ningguo Wind: Of course pain, good for a long time, sometimes until now in retrospect I also feel very sorry for the people.
Chen Xiaonan: Who cares, he had life and you broke up with him, is not it very painful?
Ningguo Wind: also very painful, I stopped to find a nook and cranny, give me an apology, I forgive him, I think that time would not be able to forgive, concealment is the biggest cheat, you first deceive me, you did not me as a person.
Commentary: 1960 Ningguo wind Teachers graduation, love is also suffering he and his classmates in the end of the first three years of graduation, rather MAK concentrate teach, no distraction, and soon became a high school outstanding teachers, three in the past, he returned to the capital of gay gathering point, because the "comrades" to see the Frenchman with a chat, he has thus got a nickname "Miss Paris."
Ningguo Wind: from Dongdan park with a go.
Reporter: What time?
Ningguo Wind: almost twenty years now, after the fact, did not take out any holding, and then to the rearing of two years.
Commentary: According to the old Paris to reports, Beijing's "comrades" rallying point for several changes, now mainly in the Garden Park and Dongdan Park, but the underground secret nature of sixty years has not changed, but now no longer have to worry about together caught by the police, in the sixties and seventies, the outside world title against homosexuals also more discriminatory, rabbits, Simon, stunner, they both no place in the system, and no place to live.
Chen Xiaonan: That the police would catch him what kind of people?
Ningguo wind: he also into civilian clothes, and I know them, I saw I said Yo, "Sons of Thunder" came, everyone dismissed it.
Chen Xiaonan: He'll grab what kind of people?
Ningguo wind: his dog, he is not only the two of you is not normal, into the alley, or looking for a place to go, he followed you to grasp the present time.
Commentary: the dark secret of the world, not just struggling Touhuan place, more often it is these people hold together for warmth, whom lies.
Ningguo Wind: because I there is also a certain prestige, so many people are willing to say to me, say so and so died, and that's impossible ah, thirty-year-old committed suicide, he is also a West Fourth mills, also looking for a boyfriend, the family also opposed the unit to fire him know, several pressures committed suicide.
Chen Xiaonan: That in this circle you like, whenever I hear this news feel?
Ningguo wind: my heart is quite, quite not the taste, but also lose a good sister, this is a, yes, it is a good man, and so no.
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Commentary: Young Ningguo wind survive in these two torn world, the day he is a respected teacher of the people, the night he was "underground kingdom" in the "Miss Paris." In 1964 he met a small-his-year-old boyfriend, but this is the second stage of love over all too painful even than the first paragraph.
Ningguo wind: I went to take him to my house, my mother said, Ah, you say that this child look so strong, I can look at the short-lived, whoops, you say your mom, I hit you I say this lady , we both recognize the results of two years, and he sent me to the hospital to see him high fever, when I bought a bag of oranges, very deep impression on me, and he sat there happy anyway, I think he went right, attached to eat seven or eight oranges, I say you do not insisted, why eat so fast, you eat slowly chanting, he was quite happy to, he said, also was discharged on holiday perhaps, after he finished it this fall ill after a a fever of 42 degrees, the confusion, coupled with the vascular malformation is incorrect, blood vessels cracked, meet again people have said no, and then I can not believe I was, people did not see a look, he saw the grave , whoops, I was on my despair I goo is simply a paralysis there, only 21 years old, finished this time for me to stimulate King, look for fourteen years I did not come out, did not find one, I stay long hair, a beard, I will, just like the widow.
Commentary: the death of her boyfriend that day was May 1, 1966, and thereafter every year May Day Ningguo wind will give him burning paper, this habit continues to this day, followed by a more sorrowful era, at that time, gay has been dubbed hooligans commit sodomy, charges of bad elements. 1972 Xinrusihui Ningguo suffer wind, but the pressure of his mother, married, marriage less than half end in hatred, the other is left behind when you leave a relentless, let him die without sons.
Chen Xiaonan: You were not married to your mother is concerned, in the outside world is a very big pressure.
Ningguo wind: a very big pressure, because she is the director of the street, ah, your son how strange it so do not get married.
Chen Xiaonan: So she married this matter has been raised with you several times.
Ningguo wind: the old times, do a lot of work, I sleep at night I check with them to see if I was not defective.
Chen Xiaonan: how to check you?
Ningguo Wind: Send me off to see.
Chen Xiaonan: sleep at night.
Ningguo wind: ah.
Chen Xiaonan: such a degree.
Commentary: 1977 Ningguo wind painstakingly built over a decade of normal decent image of teachers also declared burst, because a "comrade was arrested" on the inside want to "report meritorious" So he denounced heard after the school immediately to Ningguo wind do the "classes", although Ningguo wind refuses to admit it, but classes or the "ideological difference" its characterization as well as "sodomy suspect" send detention for three years, he was taken away that day Ningguo wind his mother had just died.
Ningguo Wind: At that time happens to be my mother's death three days, I took it all to the black filial chops.
Chen Xiaonan: Do you actually with your mother very deep feelings.
Ningguo wind: very deep, and know that I was filial piety, filial piety I especially my mom, my mouth to eat what rare I gave her back, our "sisters" get together to eat lamb, I I gave her back pocket, and once I told them a drink, too, was just an old "comrades" dead, dead, but also very sad, drunk, I saw two o'clock at night, I home, walking back to the car did not, at the door where my mother so angry, angry and something, I thought you were dead on the outside of it, and sometimes I think it is very sorry for my mother, how I do, but I can not help it, you gave me out how to do it this way, I can not change ah. Her dying are not simply little energy, suddenly shoved me away at once, you do not touch me, you do not dirty my hands and the sweat, I was really painful death, I said, how you mom I can not forgive it.
Chen Xiaonan: in fact these words to you quite like pins and needles.
Ningguo Wind: pins and needles, really is.
Commentary: Ningguo Feng said in a detention camp inmates forced to unnecessary forced labor, the pounds of cement from point A to point B at the back, and then back to back, again and again every day, at a time when the work style of cadres harsh discipline, criticism, verbal abuse and beatings are also frequent.
Ningguo Wind: often poke you with electric batons, poke it was covered with small scars Yaner.
Chen Xiaonan: is this identity of the person on the inside are the most discriminated against.
Ningguo wind: the most discriminated against, called into the fight, "Meng Lord" and not something called "profiteers" thief called "Buddha" pipe we called "Rabbit God" is the most discriminated against.
Chen Xiaonan: What kind of example are subject to discrimination?
Ningguo Wind: personal insults, verbal curse, they are not the captain had any brains you have such a surplus of people live, ye shall live big effort ah, might as well tie the pit to die yet.
Chen Xiaonan: You turned out to be a very good teacher.
Ningguo Wind: A young model teacher Well, people like the Master, now suddenly collapsed.
Chen Xiaonan: speaking to you then there is a bigger blow it, is in the past anyway did not say this thing is broken, the outsider even guess how kind they are, that is, for you personally.
Ningguo wind: the whole gave me torn, gave the whole face none.
Commentary: In 1980, Ningguo wind finally ended inmates back to school, his teacher qualification was canceled, exiled to the back office, when the Chinese have begun to reform and opening up, but discrimination against homosexuals, as always, coupled with frequent crackdown motion, in order to to strike hard results "make up" this group has become the focus of police arrest object.
Ningguo wind: a Saturday afternoon, nothing I went to take a bath, lying there on the big pond Well Well, the result of a young man hooked me, is really his initiative, he took the foot soles of the feet to kick me, he is such a person, he also understand this, I think it is, after it is over, I moved slowly ah have to suffer his near point, after he finished his good and gave me the body, I pretend I'm sorry, go back, look Teng he stood up, old man, you show have enough adequate, and the results entered the police station, he came to what sentence Yeah, hey, I take a bath today bonus, hug grass playing rabbit, I can name a rabbit, to work anymore. a police uniform was gone, he whoops police Yeah, you you can not induce me police crime Yeah, he said, "the power of prayer", or hooliganism.
Commentary: 1982 crackdown campaign Ningguo wind hooliganism jailed for two years after his release, he was the school leave without pay to see a bike for a living, less than six months, he again for "hooliganism" by the public security capture, and sent to a labor camp for two years the Northeast.
Ningguo wind: So I fear to listen to this "rogue", you smelly rogue, you, I am afraid to listen to this, what is a rogue? We both like, surreptitiously, what we violated the law, committed any law, no express provision ah you "constitution" on.
Chen Xiaonan: inside you at that time in the evening when a person is not difficult to spend?
Ningguo Wind: often tears at the moon, why I am such a person, why should such a person afflicted by so many, so I called my next life I choose, I definitely do not choose this.
Chen Xiaonan: hard road to go.
Ningguo wind: too difficult to go, too many ups and downs, I do not generally experience the ups and downs, really violent storm, bloody, really hit me.
Commentary: In 1986, Ningguo wind out of prison last time, from 38 years old to 47 years old, life is the most gold for 10 years, he has spent seven years in prison, and at that time he had no pro free, solitude one, the unit also has checked his dismissal, the former Beijing outstanding teachers began by selling tourist maps and postcards make a living.
Ningguo wind: I just came back, one day I ate a meal, I was nothing, and went up in the morning early, the Palace was not open yet, to me at noon hungry splinters, I also pick up something to eat, the remaining half of what people have bread, and I'll pick up something to eat at night I came back to do dinner, I had one meal a day for a month, because I do not earn it, one day I will not earn even 10 dollars come out.
Commentary: MAK but rather found, either as a homosexual, or as a peddler, he seems not a popular person, because it is "unlicensed vendors," he became police chased the object. He said his life did not kneel down to, but because he first entered the goods were confiscated, and kneel to the police twice.
2014 Nian. 9 6, Zhang Hu Chinese Americans and Britons Brian Davidson at the residence of British Ambassador in Beijing registration of marriage.
Ningguo wind: too much pain really, really wanted was to go to Sri Lanka tie pit, I was like the bottom of a large container with clasp me see a little light, but he knew that it was a little slit shadow, I see little hope, I should not die, I have to live, I do not believe we can not let these people will never admit that we had any brains you have such a president is not this wrong of you never get the sympathy of others and understanding.
Commentary: Another long years later, once the prime of youth have become Liangbinbanbai old man, "Miss Paris" has long been a fleeting dream, but that "underground kingdom" seems to be always there, never disappeared, Beijing Ningguo gay community after the wind nineties is that everyone talks about the "old Paris" day, walking down the road in Paris suddenly met an old enemy.
Ningguo wind: I go halfway, after shouting my wife, Who said to me, I turned around and saw all the way Whoops, I can see him, his appearance has not changed, then a closer look at this face white hair Yo, so how old you Damn you, he said you are not young ah.
Commentary: The original call him what he was forty years were first boyfriend, he stood next to a middle-aged man, surprised to see these two old people excited.
Ningguo wind: I said how kind ah, with his ex-wife divorced, you do not see this side, that my son, stepson, were forty, you think about it, I said, are so big, I was shaking with excitement all my tears rushing, pops his tears, he said you really unfeeling, all these years you do not contact me, he said I do not know where you points , then I think is really quite naive, flash decades.
1997, the new Penal Code abolished the hooliganism, homosexuality decriminalized realized in 2001 homosexuality was removed from mental illness, and in the community "comrade" is a neutral word has become common appellation of the gay community, old age old Paris is no longer selling the map, by guaranteeing life, people to old age, nothing, but he is finally in the air smelled a little warmth.
Chen Xiaonan: Do you feel yourself what the biggest change?
Ningguo wind: the first is related to A guilty of homosexuality like, afraid to speak, at most, to speak with his eyes, a tune to hurry, all this, sneaky, devious, and later on some specifically disclosed, No matter how many people when young, they both hugged, I like that era is a gay winter, too cold, and caught would have died on the way, has now become a warm winter, and spring will come slowly, I think I now also I believe.
Chen Xiaonan: in 2006, 67-year-old Paris, in his own thinking about raising the pension, rest quietly this time, but accidentally harvest his third affair, that from 1966, when his first two lovers died has been a full 40 years later, the time is now eight years later, this relationship has remained stable, the old Paris, said two people would meet with bursts, as if there is always lots to talk about the interview process he also took us to see the other pictures, he said he is eight years since this picture every day with me, said this time the eyes still flashing that unique look, old Paris, said he was a reckless the people, their entire life ordeal may also suffer a disadvantage in this straightforward, but he said he "unrepentant", he hopes to one day in the future, regardless of his own such as "comrades" who or every ordinary person can have the right to live truly.
Ningguo Wind: You see some people I know it, and some will Wowo Nangnang later committed suicide, there is her husband at home, charge, charge the father, like dare to look out after the release, but also fear, submissive alive I said doing it, since I am a God who created me this, so I very much love to live longer.
Chen Xiaonan: In fact, this is more important to you, and my heart calm quality of life more than anything else, what the rest also important.
Ningguo wind: Yeah, I do not care to eat delicious bad, put on worn out I do not care, and I feel very calm will recognize my life I was good, I did not do anything bad child, I'm good. " comrade ", is an old" comrade. "
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